Bemembering the Cooler Days

So since I haven't blogged in forever, I thought I'd post a few pictures of some cooler days earlier this year. I saw these when I was finally able to load what was in my camera, and believe me--with this heat wave I am longing for these days to return. (C always says "bemember" instead of "remember" so we've all taken to saying it, too.)

C is the one on the left. You'll have to excuse his snowman-like appearance...it was pretty cold that day and I got a little paranoid about him being too chilly playing in the snow with Dad. I can't believe how much snow we got-this doesn't even show the half of it. At this point we only had enough for a little-boy snowman.

Why yes that is my ruggedly handsome husband posing by the crazy fence at my mom's house (which has now been torn down and replaced!).

As cute as my boys are, this might be the best picture of all. Before the snowfall we left a paper plate with some birdseed on it on the table. Somehow under all that snow this squirrel could smell it there and dug it out!! He was only about two feet from the back window where we were watching him and you'd think he would have been afraid, but I guess desperate times call for desperate measures.

Is it too early to be looking forward to Christmas??

Blog Depression

So...anyone who might have been looking at our blog has probably stopped...because, well, I've been taken over by this sort of blog depression. First, my camera cord that downloads pictures to the computer disappeared somewhere in my parents house when we were staying there waiting to close on our house. So I couldn't figure out a way to upload pictures (though I have since discovered an easier $10 solution). Then, we started using Gmail...which is awesome except that since we signed up on Blogger using a different non-gmail address, there is apparently no way to change the email address you sign in with to a gmail one without starting a whole new blog. I looked into this for days and emailed people...and then I was just mad at google for not being able to tackle that small problem. And somehow in the back of my brain I subconsciously decided if I refused to blog it would be punishing them in some way...when in reality they could care less what I do and don't do.
So anyway, now I'm over my anger and I've decided to start blogging again. Now I'm excited to see if I actually follow through. :)

The Day We Met

So for some reason I've just been thinking over and over about posting the story of how Adam and I met. I just started this post yesterday, and then this morning before I finished I read my awesome sister- and brother-in-law's story of how they met and now I am happy to be part of a trend. So here goes...

It was the fall of 2002 and I had just graduated from BYU. I was kind of exhausted with relationships, working on getting over someone I couldn't let go of and someone I couldn't hold on to. I was planning on going to graduate school, but after much prayer I decided to take a year off and work. I met an awesome friend, Kristen Curran, and we almost immediately became inseparable.

On October 26th, we decided to attend a young single adult activity our church was having at a church member's farm. We all sat in a circle around a campfire and introduced ourselves. I have lived in this area since about 13 so most of the people I already knew. But one stood out--this tall, attractive guy who was talking to an old friend. I assumed they were probably there together, so when he got up and introduced himself as being a member of our church and having lived here since he was 10, I was completely surprised. But I figured he was probably too cool for our little group and sort of dismissed him. My friend, Kristen, however, was super friendly and at the end of the activity we ended up inviting him to come with our group to a haunted house (that ended up being really lame) and later to Denny's.

A few days later we all got together again, and then Adam became a permanent fixture in our group...and he and I really hit it off. I was SO not looking for a relationship, and I think it ended up being the perfect set-up for me falling deeply in love because I was completely disarmed. We became good friends and I realized I was falling in love and he was coming, too. I think the point when I really came to the realization was a time when we were sitting across the room from each other at yet another single adult activity playing games. Adam caught my eye and winked at me, and that one wink felt like the best hug I ever had.

Our first kiss was in a friend's grandparent's house...bizarre I know. Everyone else was in the basement and we both came upstairs at the same time. Adam swears he kissed me first, but that's not exactly how I remember it. He got himself really close to me (which was good because I'm not sure I would have had the guts to do that) and then since he was already there I just leaned a tiny bit closer and made it happen. I consider this as one of the best compromises of our life together. :)

Our first official date actually came after that. I know that sounds scandalous, but we just sort of got together while hanging out with friends. After we both sort of accepted we were an item, we went on our first official date to Ruby Tuesdays.

By the end of the first quarter of 2003, I think we both had a pretty good idea where we were headed. And then on a Monday in May, a day before the birth of our third nephew, Adam proposed to me while we were eating DQ Blizzards (still our favorite) at a beautiful state park near my parents' house. He had wrapped up the ring and buried it in the blizzard. When I found it he went down on one knee and asked me to marry him, and when we got back to the car he handed me some roses (that I had somehow overlooked?!? in the backseat). We initially thought we would be married in December, but once we looked at all the scheduling, we decided August would be better.

On August 9 we were married in the Louisville, KY temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. We have had an amazing 6 1/2 years. I can easily say that marriage is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. We have had some incredible lows that I never would have predicted or expected, but also the most fantastic highs that were better that anything I could have imagined. I think I've decided that our lives are sort of like a cup that is sometimes really full or really empty. When we get married, and again with each child, our cup grows a little bigger...so that when it is empty it is truly empty and you feel it so much more than you would a smaller cup...but when it is full you have a greater joy than you ever could have known alone.

I am so grateful for my husband. He makes sacrifice after sacrifice for us, and makes me smile every day. He is a perfect father to our little boy, and is a great example to me. It is so amazing to me how well he complements me. I knew I liked him on that day back in October so many years ago, but I don't think I knew myself well enough then to even understand fully just how much he is exactly what I need. I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father who knew me well enough to place someone in my path like him and I am thrilled to be able to spend forever learning just how much fuller our cup can get.

The Progression

Adam and I have the same issue that so many couples have...where he hits the pillow and is asleep two minutes later (not an exaggeration) and I take forever falling asleep. Inevitably as I am trying to convince myself to sleep, my mind starts to drift to both our hope for the adoption and C.
I feel so much more in control of my life that I did a year or two ago. C's doctors are all settled and we have regular appointments. For the most part, I know who to call for what he needs...or at least who to call to tell us where to look. But the part I still struggle with each night before I fall asleep is the part I can't control--the progression.
When C was diagnosed, he still stood and cruised along the furniture. I knew he had stopped walking out into the room but, knowing so little about SMA at the time, I thought maybe we could do intense physical therapy or maybe I could work with him a ton every day and he would be strong again and walking in no time. We have several friends and family members with children with different diseases and syndromes, and so many of them had made great leaps and bound over what their doctors thought they would physically accomplish...and I thought "My son can certainly do that too!"
And then, I learned about just was SMA was....A "progressive" disease. In January it will be two years since his diagnosis, and not only does he no longer stand independently, but he has recently stopped crawling. He has lost a ton of arm strength and falls over easily from a sitting position. The disease is such that it only gets worse--and you might be able to maintain for awhile but it is never getting better.
This is a fact that I fully understand and accept, but I won't say that personally that's not hard for me. I am a problem-solver and a fixer, and to give me a problem that can never be solved that involves one of the people I love most in this entire world is probably the greatest trial I will ever have. So at night when I'm trying desperately to go to sleep, I start thinking back about my day and wondering if I did all I could for C today and if there is anything I am forgetting. And I start to worry about his future and what strength he will lose next and how we can best help him. I never want to think or feel that things progressed with his disease and there was something I could have done to stop it, or that I didn't provide him with every opportunity. Even typing that now seems silly, because of course it is the disease and not me...but the thoughts still go through my head. And then, inevitably, I convince myself to stop thinking about it all and go to sleep because there is nothing that can be done about it right now.
So then the other day, I was eating a Dove chocolate (cause they're awesome) and there was this little quote inside, "Do not pursue the past. Do not lose yourself in the future. The past no longer is. The future has not yet come." And after a brief moment passed where I wondered if God made chocolate, I was thankful to Dove for giving me just what I needed to hear. And I started thinking about that word "progression." Back in History class the word always seemed to have a much more positive connotation and the teacher was always using it to describe the invention of the printing press or the railroad spanning the country. So maybe I was thinking about it all wrong. Maybe if C's muscles pull off some backward progression--well that's their loss. You can go back to thinking the world is flat, but it won't do you much good. But my son can still have an amazing and overwhelming amount of positive progression in his life. He is very intelligent and compassionate, and I know he will accomplish much. And someday soon our family too will progress, and C will have a new brother or sister we will love just as much who will be a shining example to him and a best friend.

So today I choose to embrace progression and be thankful for it, so that I might teach my children might find happiness in each day, and the great amount of happiness that is to come. And maybe eating a few extra chocolates isn't such a bad idea, either.