"Almost" Day

So why is it so much easier to post about the bad days? I guess there is something to be said for catharsis. So in the true spirit of catharsis, I present to you my "almost" day.

Yesterday morning I almost went to visit a Jefferson County Public Schools (JCPS) preschool. C has been going to a private preschool, but because he has a physical disability they have offered him free preschool on top of that. So I was supposed to visit one preschool yesterday...which I almost did but then we had a snow day.

And then I almost observed at a different preschool today...but then we decided we didn't have the heart to send our child to that school--40 minutes away downtown--no matter how good the school.

I was almost able to sub at C's preschool for a little extra cash, but by the time we figured out I wasn't making the preschool visit and called the sub coordinator back she had already found a replacement sub.

So I dropped C off at preschool, and then I was almost able to get done all the things I had planned to do in my 2.5 childless hours...but then I started emailing Adam at work about stuff and got sucked into the game of Spider Solitaire I was playing while waiting for his emails. I know, you can say it---totally lame. I promise I am not an "online gamer" but I think this morning I just needed to veg a bit.

Then, I was almost late to pick up C because I got this awesome ticket (first in like 10 years) a few months ago on the way to get him so I'm paranoid a cop is going to pull me over again so I go super slow.

Next, I almost lost C at the school. How do you lose a child who can't walk at a school full of teachers? Great question. He was in his manual wheelchair and I parked him outside the teacher's lounge door so I could run in and get his mobile stander. I left the door open so I could see him but a teacher came in behind me and closed the door. I might have been in there 25 seconds, and when I came out C was not there or anywhere in the hallway. Now I know he can move the manual chair himself, but he doesn't go very fast. So I started to freak out and was yelling his name, when his assistant teacher came out of his classroom smiling and pointed inside her door. I ran to the class and sure enough, he was "hiding" in the classroom. I really don't see how he could have gotten that far without a push so I assume his assistant teacher helped him hide, but you'll have to excuse me if I don't think it's very funny to hide a child from their mother. I did not express those feelings, but trust me--I felt it.

So I got C in the van and was loading the mobile stander, and I turn around to see his manual wheelchair, which I know I put the break on, taking itself on a merry journey across the parking lot, careening toward a parked car. I shot across the lot and grabbed it as it almost made impact. [At this point in my day, yes, I am starting to think the manual wheelchair is possessed.]

We got home, unloaded, and settled, and my sweet boy made me smile several times. Kids always make things better. And I was almost my normal happy self again...when the phone rang. It was the Medicaid office calling to tell us we were denied for the new Medicaid program we were having C apply for and have been waiting to hear about for three months. Definitely qualifies as "bad news" because it would mean a lot more things would be free. We will of course appeal and hopefully should be approved.

So, there you have it. A day of almost. And now, as I'm reflecting back about it, I realize that I almost forgot one thing that I know to be absolutely true...that if you get over one bad thing, another is bound to come your way because that is just how life is. It was, in fact, designed to be that way. The point is to find your own happiness in the middle of it all. So I better run, because I plan to "chillax," as C says, and watch a bit of Scooby-doo with him so I can look back on today as the day that I almost had a bad day.

Our Unplanned Fire Drill

When we were first married, Adam always used the buzzer on his alarm. I HATE buzzers...ever since I was a teenager and my parents made me use this alarm clock from 1979 with a buzzer that sounded like a rabid bird. Needless to say, I quickly won Adam over on the idea of waking up to the gentle sounds of the radio.
This morning I would have even taken the rabid bird over what I got. Adam woke up early and was in the shower, and C and I were snuggled in our beds still sleeping in the cold house. (We left the heat off last night and it got a little chilly.) All of the sudden I heard the smoke alarm start blaring in the hall outside our rooms. So, so loud...I swear I can almost still hear it. I jumped straight out of bed, and if the adrenaline from the alarm wasn't enough then the blast of cold air from throwing off my blankets gave me just what I needed to go racing out of our room.
As soon as I got to the hallway I could see the smoke, but I quickly determined our death wasn't imminent. Apparently, Adam had kindly started the fire in the living room when he got up to warm up the house...not knowing that last night I closed up the flue to keep out the cold air. So instead of the smoke being pulled up the chimney it just made its way through the house.
I started batting at the smoke alarm with a blanket, but being vertically-challenged I wasn't quite making it. After a few jumps I finally got the thing to shut off, but being in my half-asleep stupor it didn't occur to me that if I didn't stop it at the source the problem would continue. After a few off-and-ons of the alarm, I finally clued in to what was going on and went to shut off the fire.
About this time Adam finally heard the alarm in the shower and came out less-than-fully dressed to make sure we were all okay and take a few swats at the smoke alarm himself. C was also obviously awakened by the alarm and was yelling at us from his behind the door in his bedroom, the door I didn't want to open to let smoke in his room...unfortunately a week or two ago was "fire safety" day at school, so he was pretty freaked out.
A few minutes later we finally got ourselves together and got everything shut off, got dressed, and were snuggling on the couch with the doors open sending smoke out and 30-degree air in. Now I think I still smell like smoke and my toes are frozen, but I believe the smell is out of all the rooms in the house. And, as Adam said, at least we know the smoke alarm is working just fine.

Bad and Worst are Good Again

Tonight I am thankful for my husband. We got some really unhappy news tonight, and I told him with tears running down my cheeks how I just didn't know how to deal with it on top of all the other things we're struggling with. So he looks at me with a goofy smile and says, "You can just do what I do. When another really bad thing happens, I just say, 'Well this really sucks but it's still not as bad as ____.' So sometimes we can be grateful for the worst trial happening to us cause when a new bad thing happens that worst trial makes the new thing not look so bad."
So I actually laughed out loud. And then I felt much better. I'm really not sure if he's a genius or going insane...all I know is if that's insanity it's making me smile and I wanna be wherever he is.

First Day of School

I know it might be October now, but I figured better late than never, right? In August (yes, I'm a slacker) C started preschool. I wasn't really worried leading up to this event...I've left him places for three hours before, and he always does fine. The school we chose for him was Friends School, and we truly love them. Their student population is 80% typical, 20% special needs...so with C's issue being a purely physical disability we figured he'd have lots in common with the kids there. Before school even started, we had a meeting with the Special Needs Coordinator & his teacher, a Parents' Open House, and Kids' Classroom visit/Open House, and a home visit by his teacher.

So, when the first day of school rolled around, I wasn't worried at all as I dropped C off in the classroom. He was so interested in all the new friends and new toys that I literally had to physically turn his face to mine so he would hear me say "goodbye" and know I was gone. As I walked down the hall and toward the front door, I was very impressed with myself--no tears, not even a sniffle. Then, as I took a step outside the glass door and saw my van parked across the parking lot, it suddenly hit me that I was getting into a car alone and not buckling anyone else in. I started to have this panicky feeling I didn't recognize....I knew I was leaving him in capable hands and I wasn't worried about that...and I finally realized that feeling was pure old loneliness. I was now a mom without a kid for three hours, twice a week.

Well, at first it was pretty depressing. If we had been able to keep to our original plan, I would probably be pregnant with our third and last child right now, and not waiting around for someone to choose us to adopt their baby. So then, that--of all things on this day--was what set off the tears.

But, I am happy to report now that preschool day is one of my favorite days. C LOVES school, and always has something cool to tell me about his day...he painted with apples or rode a fire truck or played musical instruments. I just can't feel guilty about being away from him...in fact I know he is getting things from school that I never could have given him. And...I now grocery shop alone!