Thursday, June 26, 2008

The Secret Blog and a Poop Story for Sheryll

So Sheryll calls me up and tells me to get a blog. That sort of sounds like "get a life", which I really shouldn't be offended by, because there are a lot of way in which I really do need to get a life, and Sheryll is one of those rare friends that I you can talk to after not talking to forever and it is like you've only been apart for minutes. Things just fall back into their comfortable places and you're laughing and smiling in no time. So her "get a blog/life" didn't offend me in the least. And I had to tell her about this--my secret blog. Yes, I know what you're thinking...who on earth has a blog that no one reads? Yup, that's me. And then I had to tell her that well, it is pretty much just a bunch of depressing stuff about my now depressing life. So she gave me a one week deadline to make revisions to make it ok for other people to read, and then I had to send her the link.

So, I thought and thought about what to change, and read it (and cried about it all again), and then I just decided that it may all be depressing, but it is all exactly true, and it is all my life it complete honesty, and I just don't want to change it, and I'm not going to cause she's not the boss of me. :)

However, in order to spice things up a little and in an attempt to make things a little happier for Sheryll, I will now add a story about poop and a fish for Sheryll.

So this week Jenna and I took Connor to the zoo. One of my very least places at the zoo is the penguin room in the "Islands" exhibit. First of all, when you get within like 100 feet of the room you can smell the room because they totally reek. And they put them in this tiny room with rushing water that is really loud, and though they are tiny little birds they can squawk sooo loud. I don't like any bird exhibits in general because as a child at the zoo I had a "bad experience." (My mom made me sit on this bench under a tree to wait for her and a bird in the tree pooped on my face. True story.) So of course Jenna insists on seeing them.

So I slowly push the stroller into the double doors that are the entrance to the penguin room. I am overcome by the rush of stinkiness and when I open my eyes, I see that only one other family is in the room with us, and then there is some zookeeper woman standing inside the exhibit feeding fish to the penguins, making them squawk extra special loud. All the penguins seem to be waddling their way toward her in a creepy sort of way. And there is this weird eerie
lighting in the room that I swear was straight out of an Alfred Hitchcock movie. So Jenna turns to me and says, "It's too bad penguins can't fly." And I look at her and say,"Penguins can't fly?" and right at that moment I guess something ticked them off--maybe we insulted them?--because all the sudden they all took off and started flying out of the exhibit and all around room (which did not have a high ceiling, I might add). So of course my first thought is,"Oh my gosh, me and my baby are gonna get pooped on by a penguin!" So I start screaming and running for the door across the room. We get there and not only is it locked, but it is chained--not joking--padlocked and chained--closed. So, still screaming, I turn the strolling around and go running back for the other door with penguins swooping around my head. And then, just as I get up the the other door, I look up and see this penguin with a big fish in his mouth perched on a rock just above the door. And I look at him and he looks at me and I know he is just waiting to throw that thing at me. And just when I make up my mind that a fish is better that poop and I am ready to make a break through the door, this little girl opens the door and takes a step through. And sure enough, that penguin chucks the fish right down on her.

I escaped with my life, and without any poop on me, Jenna, or Connor, but I am totally never going back there again.