First Day of School

I know it might be October now, but I figured better late than never, right? In August (yes, I'm a slacker) C started preschool. I wasn't really worried leading up to this event...I've left him places for three hours before, and he always does fine. The school we chose for him was Friends School, and we truly love them. Their student population is 80% typical, 20% special needs...so with C's issue being a purely physical disability we figured he'd have lots in common with the kids there. Before school even started, we had a meeting with the Special Needs Coordinator & his teacher, a Parents' Open House, and Kids' Classroom visit/Open House, and a home visit by his teacher.

So, when the first day of school rolled around, I wasn't worried at all as I dropped C off in the classroom. He was so interested in all the new friends and new toys that I literally had to physically turn his face to mine so he would hear me say "goodbye" and know I was gone. As I walked down the hall and toward the front door, I was very impressed with myself--no tears, not even a sniffle. Then, as I took a step outside the glass door and saw my van parked across the parking lot, it suddenly hit me that I was getting into a car alone and not buckling anyone else in. I started to have this panicky feeling I didn't recognize....I knew I was leaving him in capable hands and I wasn't worried about that...and I finally realized that feeling was pure old loneliness. I was now a mom without a kid for three hours, twice a week.

Well, at first it was pretty depressing. If we had been able to keep to our original plan, I would probably be pregnant with our third and last child right now, and not waiting around for someone to choose us to adopt their baby. So then, that--of all things on this day--was what set off the tears.

But, I am happy to report now that preschool day is one of my favorite days. C LOVES school, and always has something cool to tell me about his day...he painted with apples or rode a fire truck or played musical instruments. I just can't feel guilty about being away from him...in fact I know he is getting things from school that I never could have given him. And...I now grocery shop alone!

How Goldfish Make Us Happy

So this week I am trying not to drown in my guilt by simply assigning myself the "Bad Mom" award and moving on.
This is what happened...we have been working on getting C a mobile stander. In case you don't know what that is it is basically a manual wheelchair but you are in standing position instead of seated, which is much better for bones/muscles/breathing. He had a mobile stander before and could push it short distances like around a room or two, but not at....say the zoo. It has been in the works for months now, but we are still trying to get the right documentation to submit to insurance for prior authorization.
We have been anticipating this for a long time. We purposely found a home with wood floors and very low profile carpeting so it would be better for him and he could use it some to get himself around the house. Since he can't crawl anymore, he now just bum scoots around as far as he can which isn't always as far as he needs to go.
So, the other weekend Adam decides we need to clean out the garage--the last big stronghold of unpacked things. I reluctantly agreed, though I was really glad we did it once we were all through. About halfway through, I noticed our old manual wheelchair in the corner. Our First Steps physical therapist had given this to us as a donation from another family when C was about two and a half. It has all its parts, but has been well loved. When we initially got the chair, we put C in it but his little arms were too short to really get a good push in the wheels. So in essence it was a glorified stroller, but we wanted to have it for a backup in case the power chair was in the shop and he was too big for a stroller.
So there I am, staring at it collecting dust in our garage, and it occurs to me that the last time he tried that chair was a year and a half ago, and his arms are bound to have grown since then. And if he can push the mobile stander wheels, he can push the wheelchair wheels. I wish I had better words to explain my feelings at that moment, but "duh" seems all that is really appropriate. I cannot believe it never occurred to me to let him try it!!! So we pulled the chair into the house and wiped that baby down with Clorox wipes, and put C in it.
And what did he do? Started pushing himself, albeit slowly, around the house. He was so, so happy. He drove himself all the way into the kitchen and said, "Mom, I'm gonna get myself a snack" and when I walked around the island, he had pulled the lower cabinet door open and was just leaning up with an orange bag of goldfish in his hands. And then he just wheeled away like it was nothing and it happened every day and started stuffing his face. And I cried. He GOT HIS OWN SNACK!! I know I'm such a softy, but I am so proud of my sweet little boy and his strength...not the strength of his muscles, but the strength of his heart and his desire to grasp for whatever independence he can get, even when it's hard to do.

Bemembering the Cooler Days

So since I haven't blogged in forever, I thought I'd post a few pictures of some cooler days earlier this year. I saw these when I was finally able to load what was in my camera, and believe me--with this heat wave I am longing for these days to return. (C always says "bemember" instead of "remember" so we've all taken to saying it, too.)

C is the one on the left. You'll have to excuse his snowman-like appearance...it was pretty cold that day and I got a little paranoid about him being too chilly playing in the snow with Dad. I can't believe how much snow we got-this doesn't even show the half of it. At this point we only had enough for a little-boy snowman.

Why yes that is my ruggedly handsome husband posing by the crazy fence at my mom's house (which has now been torn down and replaced!).

As cute as my boys are, this might be the best picture of all. Before the snowfall we left a paper plate with some birdseed on it on the table. Somehow under all that snow this squirrel could smell it there and dug it out!! He was only about two feet from the back window where we were watching him and you'd think he would have been afraid, but I guess desperate times call for desperate measures.

Is it too early to be looking forward to Christmas??

Blog Depression

So...anyone who might have been looking at our blog has probably stopped...because, well, I've been taken over by this sort of blog depression. First, my camera cord that downloads pictures to the computer disappeared somewhere in my parents house when we were staying there waiting to close on our house. So I couldn't figure out a way to upload pictures (though I have since discovered an easier $10 solution). Then, we started using Gmail...which is awesome except that since we signed up on Blogger using a different non-gmail address, there is apparently no way to change the email address you sign in with to a gmail one without starting a whole new blog. I looked into this for days and emailed people...and then I was just mad at google for not being able to tackle that small problem. And somehow in the back of my brain I subconsciously decided if I refused to blog it would be punishing them in some way...when in reality they could care less what I do and don't do.
So anyway, now I'm over my anger and I've decided to start blogging again. Now I'm excited to see if I actually follow through. :)