Saturday, November 28, 2009


Wow. Been awhile since we posted. I thought that while we were living with my parents for a few months we'd have more time, but it seems to be just the opposite. We had a wonderful Halloween (and I'll post a few pics later when I'm on the right computer) and a really fun Thanksgiving.

I think C is somewhat adjusted to living here but he seems to have decided to be mad at my mom instead of wanting all her attention. I think it is because she seems a little more empowered to handle some discipline, and he doesn't really care for that from her. My relationship with my mother is pretty much the same, only changing in the ways I would expect.

But it really has brought to mind this idea of an evolving relationship between a mother and a child. With C and I, he is only three years old and already our relationship had changed dramatically. Now, he wants information from me mostly...for instance he wanted to know the other day where the animals put their food if Baby Jesus was in their manger. I want to do as much as I can to spark his creativity, and he has a lot more personal needs than a typical child his age. But I also need to do some things for me sometimes, and just have "quiet" time.

So where is the balance? I see moms with new babies and moms with all grown-up kids who struggle with this same issue...and what do you do? Oprah would tell you that you need to have your "me" time and I think Dr. Phil would tell you to explore all your personal feelings and needs so as not to keep them bottled up, but I don't know that I agree with either one of those. I do think you are a better mom if you take time for yourself. Even Jesus Christ, the perfect example, took time away from his disciples sometimes to meditate and be on his own.

But I do believe there is a line, and sometimes I know I see people that are crossing it. I think that if you choose yourself and your feelings once, that's okay. But if that is a frequent choice and is damaging to your children, or more importantly your relationship with your children, then I think it becomes inappropriate.

My problem is that it is always easier to look at and judge others than it is to see those things in yourself. So I spend my days wondering if I'm doing enough for him, or not doing enough for me...and I guess in the end if I wonder enough both ways maybe it means that I'm really finding some undefinable middle ground. Guess I'll just hope for the best.


Carrie said...

This is one of the unanswerable quests of motherhood--am I taking care of myself so I can give my kids the best care? or Am I selfishly taking too much "me" time and giving my kids the worst? I have yet to find this line. I loved Elder Uchtdorf's talk a year ago maybe? at the RS broadcast where he talked about ways for women to be happy--it helped give me some ideas on what are the good things to do--but I still haven't found the balance where I feel like I'm totally doing it right.

Jill said...

He is such a smart kid - I can't believe he came up with a question like that - the animal food and the manger. You are a great mom and I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who feels like this sometimes. I hope you guys are doing well. We miss you guys.

Shannon said...

I think this is the hardest thing about being a mom. With Jonah, I gave him all my attention when he was awake. When Kate came, I couldn't do that anymore because I had 2 to divide my time between and it was hard on him. I started getting very frustrated and depressed because I ended up with no time for myself (formerly known as nap time) and I felt guilty for "neglecting" my kids. Now with 3 I'm still trying to figure it out, but I've realized that finding the balance that makes you feel comfortable is the key. I know when I'm taking too much me-time, and I try to adjust. I've just learned that I'm no good to my kids if I'm not a real person myself.